(Transcript follows)

This is All India Radia. The news read by BD and VS.

I beg your pardon. BS and VD.

Yesterday, absolutely nothing happened. That is why it is not being covered by the media.

Whatever did happen was nothing more than a silly, laughable glitch on our Matrix servers. There is no need to worry, dear consumers! This glitch has had no impact on our operations (otherwise, it would be NEWS, wouldn’t it? lol :)

Rest assured, All India Radia shall continue to be your exclusive and trustworthy source of news.

We would like to mention here that All India Radia has several enemies who are out to defame and denigrate the good work being done by its employees, BS and VD. It is your duty to be watchful of our enemies’ diabolical designs.

Remember that All India Radia has countless anchors and journalists working for it. BS and VD are two of its biggest names, and therefore, easy targets. Their integrity is beyond question. They have won awards.

BS is a solid journalist with solid credentials. She isn’t some canny journo who gets her exclusives in exchange for some ad-hoc pimping of corporate agendas. Of course not! This is not the case.

VD is a solid journalist with solid credentials. He isn’t some two-bit PR agent for Mukesh Ambani who gets off using expletives with heavy-breathing women on the phone. Of course not! This is not the case.

Rid yourselves of conspiracy theories, people! (Lol, have you been reading too much Noam Chomsky of late? :) The views of BS and VD are their own. They’re both highly intelligent, self-respecting people. On any issue – be it Maoism, Kashmir, Telecom or Rahul – BS and VD are perfectly capable of forming their own opinions and conveying them to you in good faith. Rest assured, BS and VD are not corporate automatons disseminating the views of All India Radia. This is certainly not the case!

Remember that the media survives on one thing, and one thing only: your trust. The hymen of trust must not be broken. You must continue to trust BS and VD. There is no need for them to resign. None at all.

Again, this is All India Radia. The news read by BS and VD.