"right justify your om-page!"

Ad-vani, the most clicked online Ad in Indian political history, was formally sworn in as India’s online PM on an undisclosed google server. The ceremony was witnessed by hundreds of online ads including Jet Airways, bharat matrimony and Dominos Pizza.

Security was tight, and all the ads had to pass through a firewall before being ushered into the RAM area. The installation went off smoothly, despite some angry heckling by the RAM’s step-motherboard and Dravidian parties raking up the south-bridge issue.

Later, addressing a gathering of RSS feeds, Ad-vani vowed to focus on core ideological issues like Bangladeshi spam and bovine intercourse on the Discovery channel. He noted that the party was currently going through its worst phase of Rahul-kaala.

Next, logging on to Facebook, he lustily superpoked Manmohan Singh and invited him to a game of pseudo-ku. He ignored Uma Bharati’s friend request and banged his head on Sudheendra Kulkarni’s wall. On Orkut he deleted Varun Gandhi’s scraps and posted a video of him deleting Varun Gandhi’s scraps. Finally, sensing the restlessness of the youth, he tweeted: “from now on, no more Mandir, only Mandira.”

NAGPUR: After limited success with the Human Gene-om project, the Sangh Parivar is now all set to enter the OS market. Being strong proponents of the open source movement, they are due to release a Swadeshi flavour of Red Hat, likely to be named Khaki Knicker Linux. The OS will adjust its level of user-friendliness based on the user’s browsing patterns and automatically shut down during Rahu Kaala. Home users can download a preview version of the OS from www.temple.com (website still under construction). A class XII student from Haryana who had nothing to do with the development of the OS says “There’s something weird about its FTP client. It has an amazing interface for exporting files but crashes the moment you try to import anything.”

"BJP Nahin, EJB"

(jdk 1.2.1, Swing included)

NAGPUR: What do BJP ideologue Govindacharya’s ‘Study Leave’ and NIIT’s e-certification course have in common? A two year duration? Sahi Jawab! It is reliably learnt that BJP ideologue Govindacharya’s real reason for going on ‘study-leave’ is to catch up on some Java and related technologies like XML, EJB, ASP etc. Speaking on the condition of anonymity, Mr. Khurana said, “People in the party are just not taking him seriously… so he is fed up and wants to explore alternative career options like joining a start-up or something like that. Mr. Naidu has already sent him a bunch of emails recommending some training institutes in Hyderabad.”

Insiders say that Mr. Govindacharya can write bug-free HTML code and adds Meta-tags like a Chanakya. There are wild rumours that he can find out just what you’re thinking by reading your cookies. e-Parivar members are understandably jubilant to to have Mr. Govindacharya on their team. “Govindarcharya’s swadeshi applets will make these stinking multinationals look like a bunch of hello-world programmers”, they say. Legend has it that once Mr.G boots up his PC, no site is secure.

These startling revelations have sparked fresh speculation on the exits of Sushma Swaraj and Uma Bharati as well. Sources say that the ladies have already staged walkouts at several corporate GDs.