(Viewership expressed in TRP, GRP, BURP, and other indicators of gastric discomfort)

(Viewership expressed in TRP, GRP, BURP, and other indicators of gastric discomfort)

Bangalore: Senior scientists at the IISc have expressed alarm at the uncontrolled proliferation of TV channels claiming maximum viewership.

Scientists at the IISc are like, WTF. They point out that in any given universe, one and only one TV channel can be the most viewed at standard temperature and pressure.

Wave particle duality
Malayalee particle physicist Prof. Unnikrishnan has blamed this anomaly on the wave-particle duality of electrons, due to which a single electron can seem to be at two different places at the same time. “So imagine what happens when zillions of electrons are beamed at you through your television set. Obviously, you’d be watching several different channels at the same time. This explains how all the news channels have identical ratings.”

Parallel Universe theory
Bengali Astrophysicists Prof. Bose and Dr. Ghose have ridiculed Prof. Unni’s theory, saying that it begins with an anomaly and ends up with an anomalayalee. Bose & Ghose claim that it is a mistake to think that we live in a single universe with multiple TV channels. According to them, each TV channel is a full-fledged parallel universe with its own set of laws and award ceremonies. The viewers exist in remote zones from where they use their remotes to switch between the TV universes. Naturally, each TV channel enjoys total viewership within its own universe, just like DD continues to, with Krishi Darshan.

When reached for comment, Unni refuted the Bengali theory, saying that two Bongs don’t make a right.

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