YOUTH CONGRESS GETS NEW PRESIDENT

NEW DELHI: “Lets face it, the little Bambino’s a prodigy!” gushed the erstwhile Youth Congress president as he stepped down to make way for a yet unnamed candidate. Defending the party’s controversial choice, he said “Firstly, the kid’s awareness and concern for India’s problems exceeds that of any Congressman I know. Secondly, he is completely untainted by scandal and thirdly, his word-speed is comparable to the Prime Minister Vajpayee’s. Jeez, what more do you people expect from a leader? You guys are the limit!”

Predicting a clean sweep for the Congress-I, he added, “Last time we bored the hell out of the electorate with the same old talk about secularism , stability, blah blah blah. Next time round we will capture the public imagination with Farex, baby oil and pampers.”

"BJP Nahin, EJB"

(jdk 1.2.1, Swing included)

NAGPUR: What do BJP ideologue Govindacharya’s ‘Study Leave’ and NIIT’s e-certification course have in common? A two year duration? Sahi Jawab! It is reliably learnt that BJP ideologue Govindacharya’s real reason for going on ‘study-leave’ is to catch up on some Java and related technologies like XML, EJB, ASP etc. Speaking on the condition of anonymity, Mr. Khurana said, “People in the party are just not taking him seriously… so he is fed up and wants to explore alternative career options like joining a start-up or something like that. Mr. Naidu has already sent him a bunch of emails recommending some training institutes in Hyderabad.”

Insiders say that Mr. Govindacharya can write bug-free HTML code and adds Meta-tags like a Chanakya. There are wild rumours that he can find out just what you’re thinking by reading your cookies. e-Parivar members are understandably jubilant to to have Mr. Govindacharya on their team. “Govindarcharya’s swadeshi applets will make these stinking multinationals look like a bunch of hello-world programmers”, they say. Legend has it that once Mr.G boots up his PC, no site is secure.

These startling revelations have sparked fresh speculation on the exits of Sushma Swaraj and Uma Bharati as well. Sources say that the ladies have already staged walkouts at several corporate GDs.

NEW DELHI: After agreeing to all the demands of the striking and not-so-striking Telecom employees, Communications minister Mr. Ram Vilas Paswan today insisted on adding a new demand to their existing list. “I want them to realize who’s the real boss around here”, he said as he bit off an entire finger-nail. The minister has offered to amend a section of the IPC so that Telecom employees can enjoy “Full and unconditional crank-call immunity (with scrambled caller-ID option)”. The tough-talking union president points out that this facility is already available to most employees and that “Mr. Paswan is just trying to divert attention from the real issue, which is the blank cheque that the govt is too cowardly to sign.”

Errata: www.bcci.com
The BCCI’s official website is www.bcci.com, and not www.bcci.con as previously reported. The error is regretted.

MUMBAI: Top bollywood Music directors today went into hiding after hearing news that the govt was cracking down on piracy in the film industry. Seeing the industry come to a standstill, an alarmed I&B ministry issued a clarification stating that the crackdown was only aimed at cable operators. “We’d like to clarify that it is not our intention to harass our esteemed bollywood musicians by imposing professional hurdles like originality on them”, said a spokesman.

In related news, the Mumbai underworld has praised the government for cracking down on Cable and going the extra mile to protect their investments.